FROM THE LLAMA’S LIPS
By Percy
Llama
PercyLlama@xtra.co.nz
It’s interesting that this is the herd sire issue of the
NZLA Newsletter, as just the other day my boys and I were whiling away
some time flicking through old llama magazines featuring various
‘superboys’ of the mid-nineties. Wow, have the styles of fleece-cuts
changed since then! There were none of the jazzy cuts of today, you know
the kind of thing, short over the saddle and big fluffy bouffants left
fore and aft. No, in those days stud boys were real macho llamas, regal
‘fresh from the Alti Plano’ types. It’s certainly hard to imagine any of
these boys strutting their stuff for girls whilst wearing one of the fancy
cuts you see today. Still, that’s fashion I guess and even llamas must
move with the times.
Anyway, fashion aside, herd sires are without doubt
majestic lads, the crème de la crème of llamadom. Just look at those boys
on the covers! They must be some of the elite of the New Zealand llama
world, a selection of the chosen ones, our herd sires, who are entrusted
with the maintenance and development of our breed in this country. What
a responsibility they bear! What a life they must have! Nice work if you
can get it, and it’s a very important job they do. So remember members,
you must cherish them.
Usually herd sires get paddocks all to themselves, which
means that they should get plenty to eat, but my lads wondered if it is
sometimes a lonely and frustrating life. Glimpses of girls, though more
than we get at our place, must be tantalising and keep you on your toes.
As one herd sire told me a while back, you need to be constantly prepared,
as you never know when you might get the call. Often as not, though, he
reckoned when he did get the call his minders were just using him as a
pregnancy test kit and he ended up with gunk all over his face from a
positive reading on the girl in question. So, we know that this job is
not all a bed of roses, yet it’s a position we boys mostly covet to
greater or lesser degrees.
So how come more male llamas don’t get a chance to trial as
a herd sire? It’s no longer a question of taking on the incumbent and
trying your luck. No, herd sires these days are selected from on high by
the two-leggeds. You either make it or you don’t and you rarely get a
chance to show your worth. If you aren’t selected then you may join a
bachelor herd, just as in pre-domestication days. Sadly if you aren’t
head-hunted from there before you get too old, in the interests of
so-called herd harmony, they often see to it that you’re decommissioned
and all prospects fade. I reckon that there is a lot of luck involved in
being fast-tracked to siring. As I said to my boys the other day as we
chewed cud over photos of Hinterland hunks in that old magazine, "there,
but for fortune, go you or I!"
After much soul-searching, the Boys and I have concluded
that, with regard to herd siring, young male llamas think of themselves as
being in one of three main categories: the ‘should ‘ave bins’, the ‘could
‘ave bins’ and the ‘tucker bins’. Each category is nicely exemplified
within my herd (though I will preserve their anonymity).
The “should have been” herd sires are guys who, from a very
young age, think it their divine right to lay siege to any female llama
irrespective of age. No one is safe from these pests; aunts, sisters, or
even anyone who sits around is fair game. These males are born sires,
compulsive maters, but unfortunately they often lack what the humans
consider the “ideal pedigree”, or perhaps they do not conform to their
ideals in conformation or temperament and so are denied access to this
career path. With these guys all llamas must always keep an eye in their
rear view mirrors and preferably have a cold shower facility on the
property. Can you imagine our embarrassment when my mate in this category
leapt over the fence and bolted up slope when two new young boys arrived
to join us? With these guys, hope rules eternal.
The “could have been” herd sires are dependable and mature,
all round good guys who through chance and circumstance are not given the
opportunity they so clearly deserve. Personally, I think that I am of
this type (I’ll forsake anonymity in this case!). As a fine-looking,
highly intelligent male llama, it is not entirely obvious to me why I have
been restricted to life as the leader of a herd of other boys and so have
missed out on those fun occasions that would allow me to perpetuate my
genes. I am sweet-tempered, stately in carriage and with a massive
presence (others around here talk of ‘ego’ but they misunderstand me). I
have concluded that my non-selection is totally serendipitous and is
certainly unjust. Why, I wasn’t even short-listed for heaven sake!
The trouble was my dad
hadn’t passed his sell by date and consequently there were no vacancies at
home, so I was sold on. Also, I had a grandparent who was a bit of a
rebel so my strong character as a young boy was (mistakenly, I think)
interpreted as an indication of this trait. Ancestors have a lot to
answer for! My crime was being too confident in front of humans. So
siring was not for me and I came instead to an ace place where the
prestigious job of herd leader was vacant. Better to take charge of a
posse of sex-starved boys than mope around dreaming of what might have
been with the ladies. I have never looked back. I love my job. It gives
me more control than most herds sires will ever have.
The final group are the “tucker bin” males. These are a
diverse group of boys some of whom are so far away in never-never land
that they don’t know what siring entails, or they do but they take solace
in eating. Either way food becomes the centre of their lives and stimulus
derives from containers and bales rather than glimpses of girls. These are
often pretty boys and strict control by the minders is needed to prevent
them deteriorating into obesity. My mate in this group looks utterly
bewildered when the compulsive maters get up steam and start orgling. He
usually plods off to kick over the pellet containers, which is his idea of
a good time. There are, of course, other types such as the downright ugly
or loony, whom none of us would want to breed, but fortunately there are
very few of these in the llama world.
So let’s toast our magnificent herd sires and glory in
their deeds. But let’s not forget the masses of ‘also rans’, the
non-siring males who are the friends and loved ones of so many llama
lovers. All their dads were herd sires, so if they were good enough for
the job then these guys should all have had at least a half chance of
achieving the same status. Think on it.